By Daniel Akinte
When Sunday Excellence, a 400-level Public Administration student at Adekunle Ajasin University, Akungba-Akoko, talked about sexual purity, she did not describe it as a burden imposed by society but as a choice she deliberately embraced.
As the firstborn in her family, Excellence said she carries the responsibility of setting an example not just for her younger siblings but also for others who look up to her. She believes any mistake, like getting pregnant out of wedlock could derail her education and the future she has carefully envisioned.
“Definitely, yes. I know if I have a pregnancy out of wedlock, that’s the end of my education for that moment,” she said. “As a firstborn daughter, I have to set an example for my younger siblings, both male and female, even other young ones that look up to me.”
For Excellence, sexual purity extends beyond abstinence. It means keeping her thoughts and actions aligned, even with what she chooses to watch online. Raised in a home where she was warned against the dangers of premarital sex, her Christian faith deepened those teachings, shaping her conviction to remain chaste.
But she also sees an imbalance in how society approaches the subject. While women are often saddled with the burden of upholding chastity, she argues, men are allowed a level of freedom that fuels reckless behaviour.
“Because of the inequality already embedded in our culture, institutions, and minds, guys grow wings and even do worse,” she said. “Society passes more warnings to the female gender, excluding the fact that sexual behaviour involves both genders. The male gender is excluded from the standards laid down, and even when there’s a repercussion, the female faces more shame and stigmatisation.”
Excellence insists that sexual discipline should be a shared responsibility. “Young men should understand that the pressure is overwhelming and even depressing,” she said. “Nobody should be more pressured than the other. Society must see both genders as equal entities when it comes to sexual purity.”
Roots of sexual purity
Sexual purity was an idea with deep roots in religious and social traditions. Historically, it was tied to a woman’s worth and her marriage prospects, before later expanding into Christian teachings on premarital chastity and marital fidelity.
In today’s society, however, the burden of sexual purity was still unfairly placed on women, while men were often excused, or even praised, for the same behaviours. This double standard, students argued, created a culture that shamed women while leaving men unchecked.
Her concerns were shared by Folorunsho Sunday, a corps member and graduate of the Polytechnic of Ibadan. He said the culture of excusing men’s actions while scrutinising women created an imbalance that harmed both genders.
“I wanted men to be held accountable for their actions,” he said. “Promoting equal responsibility for sexual discipline requires a deliberate approach involving education, culture, and individual accountability. A balanced relationship would have encouraged open communication, increased trust, and reduced pressure on both partners.”
For Sunday, a corps member, sexual purity was a universal expectation but not something he believed society could enforce equally across genders.
“Sexual purity was actually expected of everyone, if I may say,” he explained. “It meant being faithful, abstinent before marriage, or exercising self-control over sexual desires.
“But equality couldn’t be shaped in our society because it was never ordained to be that way. Equality was necessary, but I believed it was mostly abused by the female gender. In terms of power, free hand and less supervision, these opportunities were often misused. If females could not manage these, then equality couldn’t function in our society.”
Unequal standards, unequal judgment.
Lasisi Romoke, a second-year Sociology student at the National Open University of Nigeria (NOUN), offered a different view, pointing out how society held women to stricter standards.
“Society often stigmatized a lady who engaged in premarital sexual behaviour because expectations for women were that they must remain modest, undefiled, and wait until marriage,” Romoke said.
“Meanwhile, the expectations on men were not as strong. Men were seen as dominant and freer in their choices. This created inequality, with women judged harshly while men were excused.”
At Osun State University, Ekeke Samuel, a 300-level Pharmacy student, argued that true equality in matters of sexual discipline could only be achieved if men also chose abstinence.
“Abstinence was what would make men take equal responsibility,” Samuel said. “Boys and young men who were unmarried needed to abstain from sex until they were married. That was the only way balance could be achieved.”
Michael Charity, a final-year Mass Communication student at Adekunle Ajasin University (AAUA), said sexual purity went beyond physical actions and must also involve the heart.
“Sexual purity was not just physical,” she said. “It also had to do with the heart. A person could avoid fornication physically, but if the heart was already consumed by such thoughts, then it was not purity.”
Charity added that society’s double standards left her feeling angry and embarrassed, especially when men were celebrated for choices that would earn women condemnation.
“I just felt ashamed for them since they didn’t have shame,” she said. “I saw videos online where guys said sexual purity was old school and that men should at least have sex before marriage. I was always angry, asking, ‘what’s happening here?’ Even if they didn’t have shame, I felt ashamed for them.”
For Michael Charity, a final-year Mass Communication student at Adekunle Ajasin University (AAUA), the way forward in addressing sexual discipline was to make it a shared effort. She believed that discussions and programs on sexual purity should not target only women but should actively involve men as well.
“The positive approach was that focus should not be on females alone,” she said.
“I noticed that programmes for sexual purity were always organised for ladies. You would not see brothers’ meetings where the theme of the programme focused on sexual purity. I would like programmes on sexual purity for brothers to be organised.”
Charity said the lack of such focus encouraged a mindset among men that excused them from responsibility.
“I saw cases where men believed that if anyone should be sexually disciplined, it should be the female. Many felt that as guys they had the right to do whatever they wanted and have sex with different ladies. I even heard someone say it was normal for a guy to cheat but a sin for a lady to cheat.”
Her concern reflected the message of Hebrews 13:4, which upholds marriage as honorable and the marital bed as pure, while warning that God would judge those who practiced immorality or adultery
Expert weighs in
Pastor Adewuyi Adegbite, a Computing Sciences lecturer at Adekunle Ajasin University, linked the harsher judgment of women to societal perceptions of gender and purity.
“It was about the physiological composition of males and females,” he explained. “The female body often attracted more attention, and women had more body parts that caught the eyes of the opposite gender.
“When females dressed wrongly or showcased impurity, it was often the opposite gender that evaluated them, because men were really moved by what they saw, while females were moved more by words. That was why people condemned men for saying immoral things, while they condemned women for dressing in ways that attracted men’s attention.”
The psychological toll of unequal judgment
Adegbite noted that shaming women for sexual impurity while excusing men created deep harm. He compared it to the biblical story of the adulterous woman, where the crowd sought her condemnation but ignored the equally guilty man.
“Shaming a woman made her feel singled out, which was not right,” he said. “If anyone was to be brought to book, it should be both the male and the female, because both were involved. But society kept condemning ladies while almost saying men could do it, which was wrong.”
To foster a fairer and healthier approach, Adegbite called for greater involvement of religious and community leaders in promoting proper sex education for both genders. He stressed that sex should not be treated as a taboo topic but as an area where young people needed accurate guidance.
“We needed to keep telling people the importance of being sexually pure, but with proper orientation,” he said. “Sex education was necessary at different levels so people could have the right knowledge, especially with ideologies out there that promoted impurities.
“The best way was for religious and community leaders to educate people properly. Sex should not be spoken of as something bad or taboo.”
